God's Call
- Ederia :)
- Feb 10, 2020
- 4 min read
On numerous occasions, I have been told by people that they see me being a pastor or a preacher. I would instantly dismiss it and not give it much thought because I never saw myself doing that sort of thing. I could kind of see why they might have thought that, but I knew that was not for me because I knew myself, or so I thought.
It was the first day of interterm, January 6, 2020. I had just finished my class for the day, Introduction to the Old Testament. Immediately went to do my homework in the Mabee Library. When I walked in, the atmosphere felt so peaceful. Soon after, I found a nicely secluded spot in the back with a big table to do my work. I started with the part that requires us to read some chapters in the Book of Genesis. I was really enjoying the Word of God, but in the midst of that, I felt God press on my heart that I need to change my major to one of the Christian ones. Instantly I thought:
“Ummmm...no way.”
"Wait a minute, that can’t be right.”
“There is absolutely NO way.”
I tried to dismiss the feeling but this time it was different. It would not go away, and I did not know how bring it up or who to do it with.
Later that same day, my “College Mom” invites me to come over to her house the following night. Now, I had no intention of mentioning to her the dilemma I was going through because I was still confused about the whole thing. Of course, before the night was over it came up. That whole conversation ended up with me basically being able to verbalize nearly everything that had been running through my mind. She kept this gaze on me the whole time that I was speaking. I cannot really explain in words what it looked like, but I literally felt as though God was smiling right at me through her. It reminded me of the movie The Shack. It was as though God was in the room with me, taking the form of her in that moment. Through her sweet gaze, God was telling me:
“Daughter, you already know the truth. It is coming out of your own mouth. It has been in the back of your head for a long time now. Stop questioning it and just trust me”
Of course, He was right. All along I knew what was being spoken of my life had truth in it, but I was having a hard time truly believing it. It was easier to just downplay it. It was easier to believe that they were the ones who had it wrong. It was easier to doubt its validity when it did not make sense. However, just because it was easy, did not make it the right way for me to go about the situation.
One would assume that I would be all on board with the whole major change after that night. Unfortunately, there was still doubt in my mind.
Nine days later, January 16th, I was doing a personal reflection assignment for my Introduction to the Old Testament class in the library. We could write about any passage from the Old Testament that has an impact on us. I immediately knew I wanted to write about the story of Gideon from the Book of Judges. It always resonated with me how he responded to God after he was called to lead his people into battle. Gideon could not believe he was the one who was supposed to do this mighty act, so he asked God to prove it using signs. After rereading the story, I felt convicted and empowered at the same time. I was Gideon. I was not sure about the call on my own life. I wanted proof that this was something I was really supposed to do and not some idea that popped in my head.
The next day, I finally decided to tell my actual mom. I had been dreading to reveal the news to her because I figured she would be angry at the fact that I was going to change my major after a semester. To my surprise, she took it way better than I thought. Our conversation ended with her profoundly telling me that it did not matter what she thought about me changing my major. If God was telling me to do so, how she felt about it is basically irrelevant. I was really touched by that. All of those days I was scared for no reason.
After some deep thought and prayer, I was finally able to settle on a major, Christian Ministries with a concentration in Youth and Families. From that point, I began looking into how I could change my schedule for the upcoming spring semester that would align with my new major. After doing some groundwork, I scheduled a meeting on January 24th with my Introduction to the Old Testament professor, who would soon become my new adviser, to discuss my new schedule. The following Monday, the day before spring classes started, I officially changed my major and schedule.
All in all, this journey has been a roller coaster ride. I have been happy, sad, excited, frustrated and any other emotions throughout this time. This is a big change for me. I came into college saying I am going to graduate with a major in Communications with a cinema production concentration. Then, work in the film industry. Now, I am going to get a theology major with no clue what life is going to look like for me after college. Maybe I will become that pastor people have seen in me, but I refused to see in myself. Maybe I will be in another aspect of ministry. I am literally like Elsa from Frozen Two going into the unknown. Although, there is one thing I do know. As long as I walk in obedience to God, He will guide my every step. In the Book of Proverbs, verse 3:5-6 says in the New Living Translation,
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.”
And that is what I have to stand on no matter what.
*Here is a funny, visual representation of what happened on that famous day of January 10, 2020. eNJoY!
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